listening skills

listening skills

Ability to listen effectively has emerged as the most strategic skill . Most people are pleased when they are listened to rather than when they are talked to. Also the less a person talks, the more others like to listen to him.
Most of us are poor listeners as listening skills are not taught in high schools or even management institutes. Everyone should listen more, have better retention and memory. Hearing perceives only the sounds and not their meaning whereas listening leads to better understanding. The process of listening entails sensing, interpreting, evaluating, remembering and responding. Based on purpose, interaction and feedback, listening is classified in to content listening, critical listening and active / empathetic listening. Of these the most critical is active / empathetic listening as it requires greater self-control and discipline.
Barriers to good listening can originate from environmental, physiological, psychological, linguistic and socio-cultural factors. Nevertheless, listening skills can be improved by preparing for listening, following basic rules for good listening and practicing regularly.
Students should become familiar with the typical patterns of poor listeners so that they can make conscious efforts to assimilate leader-like traits. Taking down notes while listening and imbibing the commandment for good listening will guide the budding managers and leaders in becoming good listeners.

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF GOOD LISTENING

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF GOOD LISTENING

Someone has listed the following ten commandments of good listening:
1 Stop talking
2 Put the talker at ease
3 Show willingness to listen
4 Remove distractions
5 Empathize with speaker
6 Be patient
7 Hold own temper
8 Go easy on arguments and criticism
9 Ask questions
10 Stop talking, once again

Adopting basic rules for good listening

Adopting basic rules for good listening

These are:

(i) Listening with understanding

Receivers have to listen to the speaker completely and carefully to grasp the ideas. If necessary, they should ask questions for clarifications. They should be sure they understand the message fully.
Listening with an open mind
Mind is like an umbrella – it works only when it is open. Listeners have to forget their biases and prejudices and grasp new ideas even though they may conflict with theirs. The new ideas may change us a bit. Accept the change for it may be for the better.

(iii) Listening with attention

Listening means a lot of hard work by them because it implies three things:
(a) Concentrating
It means focus should be on what speaker says by cutting out noises and distraction from other sources. It takes both will power and energy.
(b) Relating with what is already known
By relating what people listen to with what they already know, they lay the foundation for bringing in the change. Until people learn, they do not change.
(c) Reading between the lines
Good listening means reading between the lines i.e., sensing the implications of the message. Good listeners analyze speakers‟ choice of words and phrases, observe their postures, facial expressions, tone and pitch of voice, manners, general appearances etc

(iv) Listening with empathy

Good listeners put themselves in speakers‟ place. It is making extra effort to understand speakers‟ viewpoint. It calls for imagination. Good listeners have to be attentive which is flattering to the speakers. It helps to draw out speakers from their shyness, hostility or suspicion they might have about the audience.

(v) Listening intently

Listening intently is a part of good listening. While listening, audience evaluates not only what the speaker says but also how he says it. They listen to the main idea and all the supporting details. They review all the points made and anticipate what speaker is going to say next! They analyze the evidence and finally accept or reject speakers‟ conclusions.
Good listeners are able not only to listen intently but also reflect on words said in the spare time available (people listen 2 to 3 times faster than the rate at which they speak). Half-hearted listeners or disinterested listeners use the spare time to daydream or turn their attention elsewhere.
Good listeners use their spare time to thought processes that are closely related to what the speaker is saying. Such listening results in increased understanding and longer remembering of the message being received.
A few tips for using the spare time wisely are:

(a) Taking notes

Usually speakers share notes that contain the major points of their speech. Good listeners grasp those main points and write them down.

(b) Rephrasing and reviewing the message

Good listeners try to retain the message by rephrasing mentally and silently. It is like taking mental notes. By repeated practice of rephrasing, individuals can become better listeners. Similarly, listeners review the main points of the speaker. By using both the methods viz., rephrasing and reviewing, they reinforce their understanding of the subject and remember the main points of the message.

(c) Detecting bias and determining motives

A biased and prejudiced view is a partial viewpoint. In a firm, sales persons are usually determined to sell and secure the maximum share of the market. This can bring in bias among them. Good listeners should detect this bias and recognize the motive behind it. A good principle for the buyers is to be aware of such trappings in the speakers‟ messages.

BARRIERS TO GOOD LISTENING-2

BARRIERS TO GOOD LISTENING-2

Linguistic barriers

Also called semantic barriers, these can block ones‟ ability to listen. These are:
(i) Use of difficult words and jargons
Some speakers have an affected style of talking – they use difficult words and slang to impress rather than convey the message. Speakers must gift parcel their speech to the level of understanding of the listeners.
(ii) Speakers‟ manners and style
Much of the time, speakers‟ manners, appearance and body language are important. Politicians can, sometimes, stoop low and talk narrow, petty issues for winning local sympathy and perhaps votes but a rational listener may block his speech as hallow and worthless. He may block the message completely.
(iii) Use of words with double meaning and mispronounced words
Some speakers have a poor way of pronouncing with heavy bias of the regional spoken language. This may come in the way of catching the words and phrases correctly.
(iv) Lag time in speech
Some speakers speak very slowly. They take so much time to complete a sentence that listeners find it very difficult to slow down their thought process. They get too much of spare time when their mind flies away to other issues. Keeping focus is a lot more difficult in such cases.
(v) Different frame of mind
If speaker‟s background and area of specialization is widely different, it may come in the way of understanding the terms and phrases used in the speech. The same words may have different meaning in listeners‟ framework; consequently, there may be a gap in the understanding the message received.

 Socio-cultural barriers

A few important ones are:
(i) Cultural background is different
Different cultural background leading to different pronunciations and accents for speaking the same words can spoil the delivery of a message. It the recent cricket match series in Australia between the host country and Indian team, there was a piquant situation because „bastard‟ is an accepted form of communication in Australia and „monkey‟ is an accepted admonition in any heated personal discussion in India.
(ii) Personal space and public space
Some cultures permit greater personal space than others. If the same is not available even in a not-so-formal interaction, it may upset some. Even the way of addressing in different regions of the same country can create misunderstanding. (For details refer to 18.6 of Unit 18)
(iii) Sense of time
Experience confirms that a western visitor from USA or Europe would like to get straight in to business without significant preliminaries beyond wishing one another and getting introduced. However, a typical Asian may start with preliminaries as a warm up and may even prefer to have a cup of tea before coming to the formal part of the agenda. 

BARRIERS TO GOOD LISTENING-1

BARRIERS TO GOOD LISTENING-1

Listening is rather very difficult. It is taken for granted by parents, schools, colleges and management institutes. Although the receivers are personally present throughout, most of them are poor listeners. What are the inherent problems in the process of listening and how to overcome these barriers? A few common barriers have been listed below:

(1) Environmental barriers

These are:

(i) Physical distractions

Environmental disturbances come in the way:
 Noisy surroundings
 Loud music
 Noise of machines, office equipment etc
 Noise of road traffic including horns of vehicles

(ii) Loud talking

In some cultures people talk rather loudly. Talking loudly by persons nearby can distract a person from hearing others.

(iii) Visual distractions

A hoarding or poster on the wall may distract attention and may come in the way of catching an important point of the conversation. Similarly, speakers‟ clothes, accessories, make-up like eye shadows etc may distract listeners‟ attention.

(2) Physiological distractions

These may be:
(i) Hearing impairment – It is the case with many old persons
(ii) Hunger – It may make one inattentive
(iii) Tiredness / exhaustion from overwork – It may come in the way of listening
(iv) Pain or injury – It may divert ones‟ attention

(3) Psychological barriers

These are:

(i)Beliefs

Audiences‟ strong views on religion, politics, business area or even sex may come in the way of their paying attention to the speaker. Individuals‟ views impact on their attitude and behaviour.

(ii)Fear

If the subject being talked about is sensitive in nature as it pertains to audiences‟ fears, they may cut it off from their hearing.

(iii) Anger

If a remark by the speaker has made audience angry and upset, it will reduce their ability to absorb the message or they may miss it altogether.

(iv) Anxiety

State of health of a near or dear one may make one anxious about it while at work and the person may miss some parts of the conversation.

(v) Sad memories

While listening to a speech, if someone refers to an incident that has a lot of memories treasured by listeners, it may send them in to a reflective mood and they may miss some parts of conversation.

TYPES OF LISTENING

TYPES OF LISTENING

Listening can be varied depending upon:
 Purpose
 Interaction
 Feedback
It can be classified in to the following three distinct types:

(1) Content listening

The purpose of content listening is to retain the information for future use or for further transmission rather faithfully. Here, we try to identify the key points and concentrate on the structure of the message. Receivers take a preview – an overall view of the entire message. It is not important whether they agree or not with the contents. They try to assimilate the contents of the message as received. For example, a department of the government giving the details of the procedure would expect the public to follow in dealing with them!

(2) Critical listening

The message received undergoes evaluation at several levels to understand:
 Logic of argument
 Strength of evidence
 Validity of conclusions
 Implications of message for individuals
 Implications of message for the organization
 Speakers‟ intention and motive
 Omission of any relevant point etc
Evaluating and absorbing information simultaneously is rather difficult. Listeners‟ should reserve their judgement right up to the end. Effort should be made to uncover speakers‟ viewpoint.

(3) Active / empathetic listening

The purpose here is to understand the speakers‟ feelings, needs and wants. Listeners have to understand speakers‟ viewpoint irrespective of whether they share those perceptions or not. By listening actively, receivers‟ let speakers vent their emotions. Listeners should resist the temptation of advising them and they should let the persons do the talking with cues and clues of encouragement. Typical features of active and empathetic listening are:
 Make eye contact
 Exhibit affirmative head nods and appropriate facial expressions
 Avoid distracting actions and gestures
 Ask questions
 Paraphrasing what is said
 Avoid interrupting the speaker
 Do not over-talk
 Make smooth transition from the role of a speaker to that of a listener
All the three types of listening have practical use in the life of managers and leaders. They must learn how to apply these methods in different situations.

PROCESS OF LISTENING

PROCESS OF LISTENING

It entails following five steps:

(1) Sensing

It is physical hearing and assimilating through all the five senses – hearing, seeing, smelling, tasting and touching. It should also include taking down notes. However, reception of message can get blocked because of:
 Interfering noises and distractions
 Inattention by audience
 Impaired hearing etc
Listeners have to work hard to avoid distraction and focus on the message.

(2) Interpreting

It is decoding in our mind and absorbing the message being delivered. As people listen, they assign meanings to words through their own mental filters comprising of their:
 Beliefs
 Assumptions
 Values
 Ideas
 Expectations
 Roles
 Needs
 Personal history
Thus role of the persons listening to a speech is very vital. They should pay attention to non-verbal cues because body language of gestures, sounds, postures and expressions do not tell lies. If they have learnt the art and science of understanding speeches well, it increases accuracy of their listening.

(3) Evaluating

It is forming opinion about the message heard. If the subject matter is complex or it is a topic that has emotional overtones, effort is required to:
 Sort out the remarks made by the speaker
 Separate facts from opinions
 Evaluate quality of evidence
As a rule, listeners dismiss ideas from an unattractive and abrasive speaker. Also, they easily embrace ideas of „charismatic‟ speakers.

(4) Remembering

It is storing message after receiving in the memory for future use. Good speakers facilitate storage by doing the followings:
 Comparing the message with the previous similar messages
 Highlighting the components of transition in the new message

 Summarizing and paraphrasing the message

(5) Responding

It is reacting to the content of the message in some fashion. When audience is large, it may take the form of:

 Silence

 Applause

 Laughter etc

NEED FOR LISTENING

NEED FOR  LISTENING 

Followings would highlight the importance of good listening:

(1) Poor listeners

Most of us think that we are good listeners – research has confirmed the opposite! people spend 45 % of their time listening (they spend 30 % of their time talking).

(2) Listening more

There is now a consensus among specialists that individuals should listen more, especially those going up the ladder of hierarchy. When they listen more, they learn more and when they learn more, they are able to provide better leadership.

(3) Poor retention and memory

Experience confirms that people are not only poor listeners but also poor in retaining and remembering. People can recollect only 50 % of what they hear and half of that also, they forget within 48 hours of hearing. When people were queried two days after they heard a speech, they tended to mix up subject matter and 30 % of the time replied incorrectly.

(4) Listening is not taught

As a part of growing and development through learning and education, children are taught reading, writing and even speaking. They are rarely taught how to listen, now considered to be the most essential skill . It is ignored in high schools and even in business schools where full credit subject of business communication skills is taught.
Now many companies are training their managers and leaders in the art of listening to help them incorporate listening as an important skill in their personality – it is a lot of hard work. Speaking (and teaching) is not as difficult as listening (and learning).

LISTENING

LISTENING

Ability to listen is the most critical skill required . It provides them with all the information they need. Art of listening is the leaders‟ cutting edge. If individuals establish reputation among subordinates and peers that they are good listeners and they welcome comments and suggestions, much useful information will gravitate towards you. It is said that, „If you listen to people well, they will tell you things that you have not ever thought of yourself!‟
More people are pleased when they are listened to rather than being talked to. Although both talking and listening form the grist of the oral communication, one cannot listen if he is talking and if he is not listening, he is not learning either.
Smart people speak from experience; smarter people, from experience, do not speak. One cannot be listening with his mouth open. And the less people talk, the more others like to listen to them.

PRESENTING THE CONCEPT THROUGH PRESENTATIONS

PRESENTING THE CONCEPT THROUGH PRESENTATIONS

Speeches not only facilitate the flow of information but also persuade audience and veer them around to common purposes. To become effective, persuasive speaker, attention must be paid to learn how to make physical presentation, how to say things and what to say.

Since managers / leaders are communicating, negotiating and marketing all the time, they must acquire the traits of articulation, pronunciation, use of the right tone, pitch and speed of delivery. They should be able to make good use of pauses, volume, quality of voice, variety in speech and make effective use of signs, signals, gestures, expressions and sounds of the body language.

Persuasive speeches require speakers‟ personal involvement and they should embody the change they want to see in others, must exercise a lot of self-control and should ensure good response and reaction from the audience for their delivery and sincerity.

Microsoft‟s Power-point software is an extremely useful tool that supports presentation by overhead projectors, liquid crystal displays and multimedia. With the use of Power-point software, speakers can become more effective and persuasive if they know their subject, have good perception of their audience, understand time constraints involved in presentation, keep them simple and supplement them with „speaker notes‟.

TRAITS OF ASSERTIVE STYLE OF COMMUNICATION

TRAITS OF ASSERTIVE STYLE OF COMMUNICATION

In order to acquire a high level of assertive behaviour, the individuals have to imbibe certain traits as below:

(1) High level of listening skills

The human mind has one limitation – it can do one thing at a time. However, it can change to another idea or thought in a flash and sometimes, persons think that they can do many things at the same time. When one is speaking, one cannot be listening. A good listening requires the ability to remain silent for long periods. Besides when two persons are interacting, silence is very awkward. If one person remains silent for reasonable length of time, the other person will fill the vacuum with his voice; he is able to listen to the other person completely.

(2) Initiative to make new contacts

This increases persons‟ area of influence as he is able to listen and get opinions of wider range of people who can share their experience or viewpoint.

(3) Quick to respond

This is the ability to respond to a large number of contacts in short time. It directly measures ones‟ reaction time. „Response is everyone‟s response-ability‟. Some persons are, by nature, more sensitive to others needs and wants while others take time to respond. By speeding up own responses, persons can speed ahead of their competitors.

(4) Perseverance with issues

It is the ability of an individual to keep going back to the same persons and raising issues that have been rejected or where there has been little enthusiasm. The approach is that if one feels strongly about issues that have not invoked the right response, it is time to re-examine critically about the way it was packaged and parceled last time and make necessary changes to make it more exciting and interesting on the one hand and to compromise, persuade and bring out newer possibilities on the other.

(5) Maintaining flexibility

Rigid stand leads to resistance. It is always better to remain flexible and open as that helps one discover patterns that other finds easy to understand. It also encourages them to talk freely and openly. This openness in dialogues invariably leads to solutions that are more rewarding and fetching.

ELEMENTS OF STYLES OF COMMUNICATION BEHAVIOUR

ELEMENTS OF STYLES OF COMMUNICATION BEHAVIOUR

A sensitive observer should be able to spot the communication style of individuals‟ from the verbal cues or signals exhibited:

(1) Non-assertive (submissive) communication style

The verbal cues and clues are:
(1) Use of apologetic words
(2) Devaluation of self
(3) Failure to say what one means really
(4) Use of phrases implying diffidence
(5) Beating about the bush - hedging
(6) Loss of words
(7) Self-defeating
(8) Shifting responsibility to others
(9) Rambling and disjointed expressions
(10) Veiled meanings

(2) Aggressive communication style

The verbal symbols are:

(1) Accusations of others
(2) Behaving like a dictator
(3) Use of very subjective descriptions
(4) Not recognizing roles of others
(5) Use of loaded words
(6) Putting others down
(7) Frequent use of „you‟ messages blaming or labeling others
(8) Use of superior wordings in expressions

(3) Assertive communication style

The verbal signs and signals are:
(1) Accept responsibility
(2) Make direct statements that say what they mean
(3) Express own feelings honestly
(4) Negotiate on the basis of win-win situation for both parties
(5) Use „I‟ messages frequently
(6) Use object sentences
(7) Recognize others‟ contribution
(8) State their „wants‟ clearly