ACTIVE LISTENING

ACTIVE LISTENING

Expressing our wants, beliefs, needs and feelings is only half the part of the entire communication
process needed for our interpersonal effectiveness. The other half is listening and understanding mainly what is communicated.
“We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking.”
The process of listening is intricate and entails more than simply straining the ears to hear the sound along with the words accompanying the sound coming from a speaker. This implies that listening is hearing and at the same time understanding quite clearly what one has heard. When someone listens, he or she does it with the heart and the mind, not just with the ears. Let us now discuss the basic difference between hearing and listening in order to get a clear picture of how active listening functions as a formidable tool of communication in increasing effectiveness.

Hearing and Listening

Hearing is a natural and unconscious function of the ears. It is a simple, mechanical process that
enables us to hear all the sounds around us.
Listening is a conscious effort on the part of the listener. One has to pay attention to every detail
to listen.
When a listener activates his mind to listen, three basic modes of listening begin to work.
According to clinical psychologist, Dr. Larry Alan Nadig, Combative or Competitive listening happens when we are more interested to promote our own point of view then understanding what the other person is saying. In this process of listening, we listen to the other person solely with the aim of finding so that in turn we can attack the speaker with those weak points we have collected. As we pretendto listen, we also wait impatiently for an opening, or to prepare our plan for upsetting the  speaker by formulating a rebuttal and emerge a victor. Here, the motive of the listener is very obviously to compete or to combat.

In Attentive or Passive listening, we are genuinely interested in the other person’s point of view. We
listen attentively but passively to what the other person says. We show our full understanding of the
content or the message we have listened to, but we are quite passive in verifying our knowledge of
understanding.
Reflective or Active listening is the most single and useful listening skill. In active listening we are also genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, wanting or what the message means, and we are active in confirming our understanding before we respond with our own new message. We restate or paraphrase our understanding of their message and reflect it back to the sender for verification. This verification or feedback process is what distinguishes active listening andmakes it effective.

In Active Listening, our mind is focussed on all the sounds as well as the meaning attached to them. We not only hear the words with rapt attention but also concentrate on the feelings and emotions associated with those words. On listening actively we can ferret out the underlying intention or meaning of any message we receive from a speaker. Therefore, listening is akin to reading between the lines for a deeper meaning.

There is a real distinction between merely hearing the words and really listening for the message.
When we listen effectively we understand what the person is thinking and/or feeling from the other
person’s own perspective. It is as if we were standing in the other person’s shoes, seeing through his/
her eyes and listening through the person’s ears. Our own viewpoint may be different and we may not
necessarily agree with the person, but as we listen, we understand from the other’s perspective. To
listen effectively, we must be actively involved in the communication process, and not just listen passively.

We all act and respond on the basis of our understanding, and too often there is a misunderstanding
that neither of us is aware of. With active listening, if a misunderstanding has occurred, it will be known immediately, and the communication can be clarified before any further misunderstanding occurs.

In order to listen actively, you must –
􀂄 Concentrate
􀂄 Open your mind
􀂄 Pay attention to details
􀂄 Relate to the content or the ideas
􀂄 Focus on the hidden meaning
􀂄 Establish a relationship with the speaker for better understanding of the meaning of the message.
􀂄 Try to think about what the speaker is saying from his/her point of view.
􀂄 Not interrupt or finish sentences for the speaker. Be patient and let them finish.
􀂄 Focus on what is being said and not on what you are going to say in response.