Conflict-Management Skills-Managing Emotions

Conflict-Management Skills-Managing Emotions

Emotions are psychological feelings that people have that usually result from, and contribute to, a conflict. Examples are anger, shame, fear, distrust, and a sense of powerlessness.

These emotions often mask the substantive issue of conflict. If emotions are effectively

managed, they can become a resource for effective conflict resolution. If they are not

effectively managed, however, they can intensify a conflict, heightening tensions and making the situation more difficult to resolve. Individuals must not let their feelings and emotions impact how they deal with a conflict.  The following techniques for managing emotions:

• Recognize and understand your own emotions as well as your opponents’. For

instance, is your opponent angry, or just excited? Are you slightly worried, or

profoundly afraid?

• Determine the source of the feelings. Are your (or your opponent’s) emotional

responses to one issue being caused by your (or their) response to another issue?

Is your (or their) anger or distrust caused by a bad experience in the past, rather

than something that is occurring now?

• Talk about feelings—yours and your opponents’. Don’t suppress them, or deny

them—acknowledge them and deal with them directly.

• Express your own feelings in a non-confrontational way. This can be done, for

example, by using I-messages, where you say “I feel angry because. . .” rather than

“You made me angry by. . .” The first approach explains your feelings without

accusing anyone else, while the second focuses blame on the opponent who is

likely to become hostile or defensive in response.

• Acknowledge your opponents’ feelings as legitimate. Although you may feel

differently about a situation, your opponents’ feelings are real, and denying their

existence or validity is just likely to intensify those feelings. Allowing them to be

expressed and recognized helps them release those feelings so that you can move

on to deal with the substantive issues in dispute.

• Do not react emotionally to emotional outbursts. You should acknowledge the

outburst with active listening (which shows that you understand the strength of the

speaker’s feelings), but you should not react emotionally yourself, as that will likely

escalate the emotions and the conflict as a whole. If you are having trouble staying

calm, temporarily leave the room.

• Use symbolic gestures. Gestures such as apologies, sympathy notes, shared meals,

or even handshakes can be very useful in expressing respect and defusing negative

emotions at little cost.