Assertive communication

Assertive communication

Assertiveness implies direct, clear and honest expression of feelings, needs and attitudes to a person violating the rights of other people by his/her own behavior. It is the ability to confront someone in a non aggressive and non manipulative manner.

SIMPLE ASSERTIVE SENTENCE contains an attitude, fact or observation. It is a short sentence expressing the need or right of the speaker.
Examples:
1. I cannot hear you well.
2. It bothers me when you interrupt constantly.
3. You blocked me by your car.

EMPHATIC ASSERTIVENESS contains empathy, the recognition of other person’s condition and feelings and assertiveness, the expression of personal feelings.
Examples:
1.You speak quietly. I cannot hear you well.
2. I can see that my words disturb you but I need to finish what I am saying.
3. Sorry to interrupt, you have blocked me by your car and I have to leave immediately.

ASSERTIVENESS WHICH REQUIRES RESPONSE is a direct message of our need which requires our listener to express precisely his opinion, attitude or feeling.
Examples:
1.I cannot hear you well and I need to hear what you are saying. Could you speak up please?
2.I can see that my words disturb you but I need five more minutes to finish what I am saying. Could you wait until I finish?
3. I can see that I am interrupting an interesting conversation but you have blocked me by your car. I have to leave immediately, could you come along and move your car?

NEGATIVE FEELINGS ASSERTIVENESS contains:
а) neutral description of other person’s behavior,
b) personal feelings in a given situation and
c) the thing that the speaker would like the listener to do or an actual effect of someone else’s behavior on the speaker.
Example:
1.When you interrupt, it makes me nervous and afraid of forgetting what I was going to say and it is really important to me to express myself.
2.When you block me by your car I feel desperate and would like you to tell me whether our agreement about the parking place is still on.