SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Actions for Effective Communication

Actions for Effective Communication

Action 4. 

Translate your (and other people’s) complaints and criticisms into specific

requests, and explain your requests. In order to get more cooperation from others, whenever
possible ask for what you want by using specific, action-oriented, positive language rather
than by using generalizations, “why’s,” “don’ts” or “somebody should’s.” Help your listeners
comply by explaining your requests with a “so that...”, “it would help me to... if you would...”
or “in order to... .” Also, when you are receiving criticism and complaints from others,
translate and restate the complaints as action requests. ....”).

Action 5.
Ask questions more “open-endedly” and more creatively. “Open-endedly...”: In
order to coordinate our life and work with the lives and work of other people, we all need to
know more of what other people are feeling and thinking, wanting and planning. But our
usual “yes/ no” questions actually tend to shut people up rather than opening them up. In
order to encourage your conversation partners to share more of their thoughts and feelings,
ask “open-ended” rather than “yes/ no” questions. Open-ended questions allow for a wide
range of responses. For example, asking “How did you like that food/ movie/ speech/
doctor etc.?” will evoke a more detailed response than “Did you like it?” which could be
answered with a simple “yes” or “no”.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Actions for Effective Communication

Actions for Effective Communication

Action3.

 Express yourself more clearly and completely. Slow down and give your
listeners more information about what you are experiencing by using a wide range of
“I-statements.” One way to help get more of your listener’s empathy is to express more
of the five basic dimensions of your experience At anytime when one person sincerely listens to another, a very creative process starts on in which the listener mentally reconstructs the speaker’s experience. The more facets or dimensions of your experience you share with easy-to-grasp “I statements,” the easier it will be for your conversation partner to reconstruct your experience accurately and understand what you are feeling. This is equally worthwhile whether you are trying to solve a problem with someone or trying to express appreciation for him/ her. Expressing yourself
this carefully might appear to take longer than your usual quick style of communication. But
if you include all the time it takes to unscramble everyday misunderstandings, and to work
through the feelings that usually accompany not being understood, expressing yourself
more completely can actually take a lot less time.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Actions for Effective Communication

Actions for Effective Communication

Action1. Listen more carefully and responsively. Listen first and acknowledge what
you hear, even if you don’t agree with it, before expressing your experience or point of
view. In order to get more of your conversation partner’s attention in tense situations,
pay attention first; listen and give a brief restatement of what you have heard (especially
feelings) before you express your own needs or position. The kind of listening
recommended here separates acknowledging from approving or agreeing.
Acknowledging another person’s thoughts and feelings does not have to mean that
you approve of or agree with that person’s actions or way of experiencing, or that
you will do whatever someone asks.

Action2. Explain your conversational intent and invite consent. You can help your
conversation partners cooperate with you and reduce possible misunderstandings by
starting important conversations with a stated invitation to join you in the specific kind
of conversation you want to have. The more the conversation is going to mean to you,
the more important it is for your conversation partner to understand the big picture.
Most conversations express one or another of about thirty basic intentions, which imply
different kinds of cooperation from your conversation partners. They can play their role
in specific conversations much better if you clarify for yourself, and then identify for
them, the role you are asking for, rather than leaving them to guess what you want.
When you need to have a long, complex, or emotion-laden conversation with someone,
it can make a GIANT difference if you briefly explain your conversational intention first
and then invite their consent. Many successful communicators begin special
conversations with a preface that goes something like: “I would like to talk with you for
a few minutes about [subject matter]. When would it be a good time?” The exercise
for this step will encourage you to expand your list of possible conversations and to
practice starting a wide variety of them.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-communication competence-Appropriateness

communication competence-Appropriateness

A fundamental criterion for determining communication competence, appropriateness is the ability to uphold the expectations of a given situation. Individuals typically use their own expectations and scripts to approach an interaction scene. They also formulate their impressions of a competent communicator on the basis of their perceptions of the other’s verbal and nonverbal behaviors in the
particular interaction setting.

To understand whether appropriate communication has
been perceived, it is vital to obtain competence evaluations from the standpoint of
both communicators and interested observers. It is also critical to obtain both selfperception
and other-perception data. Appropriate communication behaviors can be
assessed through understanding the underlying values, norms, social roles,
expectations, and scripts that govern the interaction episode.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Communication Competence-Effectiveness

Communication Competence-Effectiveness

 Effectiveness refers to the degree to which communicators achieve
mutually shared meaning and integrative goal-related outcomes. Effective encoding
and decoding processes lead to mutually shared meanings. Mutually shared meanings
lead to perceived intercultural understanding. Interaction effectiveness has been
achieved when multiple meanings are attended to with accuracy and when mutually
desired interaction goals have been reached. Interaction ineffectiveness occurs when
content or relational meanings are mismatched and intercultural noises and clashes
jam the communication channels. Communication effectiveness can improve task
productivity.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Communication Competence-Empathy

Communication Competence-Empathy

Empathy, in its broadest usage, is considered a fundamental dimension
of interpersonal and communication competence. Empathy is the ability to demonstrate
understanding and sharing reactions in any given situation. It is an innate human capacity
that gives the ability to understand the unique experiences of another person.

• It connects people with one another on a meaningful and fulfilling level.
• It demonstrates a person’s caring attitude toward others
• It helps understand the people better.
• It usually leads conversation towards emotional issues.
• It lets one build a personal rapport with others
• It helps reduce ones irritation with others attitude or behaviour.
• It helps reduce ones prejudice or negative assumptions about others
• It fosters more meaningful, more helpful, closer friendships.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Communication Competence-Conversational Management

Communication Competence-Conversational Management

 Conversation-management is essentially the way
the communicators regulate their interactions. It is a matter of knowing the rules of
interpersonal communication exchanges and following them. Communication rules are
just like other socially conditioned behaviors and are acquired in the same way. What
are the rules that an astute and observant communicator knows about to manage
interaction?

Wiemann J (Explication and Test of a Model of Communicative Competence: Human
communication”) mentions the five most common communicative competencies:
1. First, one cannot interrupt the speaker.
2. Second, only one person may talk at a time.
3. Third, speakers’ turns must alternate or interchange.
4. Fourth, frequent or long pauses are inappropriate.
5. Fifth, both parties should be assured that the other is devoting his or her
undivided attention.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Communication Competence-Conversational Involvement

Communication Competence-Conversational Involvement

Conversational interaction is a factor that determines the degree to which individuals participate in conversation with others.

Specifically, receivers of communication differ in terms of their attentiveness and
perceptiveness. These parameters influence how information and cues are received
from others.

In a study involving 1000 self-assessment reports, Cegala D J (“Interaction involvement:
A cognitive dimension of communicative competence. Communication Education”)
found that approximately 48% of individuals are not generally highly involved in their
conversations. He describes perceptiveness as, “the ability to assign appropriate
meanings to others’ behavior as well as the ability to understand what meanings others
have assigned to one’s own behavior”.

Attentiveness is cognizance of another’s communicative behavior. Responsiveness is “a tendency to mentally react in a given situation or circumstance and adapt by knowing what to say and when to say.”

Highly involved persons are predicted to be more issue-oriented and attentive to the
underlying message in the conversation. On the other hand, less involved persons are
expected to concentrate on events or surface of the conversation.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Communication Competence-Adaptability

Communication Competence-Adaptability

Adaptability is the ability to assess situations and when necessary
change behaviors and goals to meet the needs of interaction. It signals awareness of
the other person’s perspectives, interests, goals, and communication approach, plus
the willingness to modify ones own behaviors and goals to adapt to the interaction
situation. By mindfully tracking what is going on in the intercultural situation, both parties
may modify their nonverbal and verbal behavior to achieve a more synchronized
communication process. In modifying their behavioral styles, polarized views on the
problem may also be depolarized or “softened.” It consists of six factors:

1. Social experience - participation in various social interactions
2. Social composure - refers to keeping calm through accurate perception
3. Social confirmation - refers to acknowledgment of partner’s goals
4. Appropriate disclosure - being sensitive to amount and type of info
5. Articulation - ability to express ideas through language
6. Wit - ability to use humor in adapting to social situations; ease tensions

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Communication Competence

Communication Competence

Communication competence is the ability to relate to others with accuracy, clarity,
comprehensibility, coherence, expertise, effectiveness and appropriateness. It is a
measure of determining to what extent the goals of interaction are achieved. However,
communicative competence is contingent upon the context in which the interaction
takes place. Communication which is successful with one group in one situation may
not be perceived as competent with a different group in another situation. McCroskey
(“Self-report as an approach to measuring”) clarifies that: “The domain of communicative
competence includes learning what the available means are, how they have been
employed in various situations in the past, and being able to determine the ones that
have the highest probability of success in a given situation.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Reading, Body Language

Reading, Body Language

From the very beginning of the human race, non-verbal communication, e.g., body
language, has been a means of interpersonal communication and was used long before
language appeared. But only in the recent past behavioral scientists started to make
systematic observations of what non-verbal signs mean.
In a message, words are effective carriers of factual information. The content of the
conversation can be important. But when emotions are engaged they should receive
primary attention and they are mostly carried by non-verbal elements. Understanding,
being able to read body language is one of the most important skills for effective
communication. In order to do it:

Focus attention on the important clues:

The facial expression – especially eyes and vocal expression are eloquent
The tone of the voice gives information about speaker’s feelings, anger, boredom,
depression, enthusiasm or disbelief
The posture and gestures – movements of the head, legs, and hands reveal the
levels of self-esteem and inner energy
The clothing and environment style give clues about personal characteristics

Note discrepancies

When there is a discrepancy between words and body language, both messages
are important. Search for the meanings.
Be aware of own feelings and bodily reactions
Non-verbal communications can by-pass the conscious mind and trigger responses.
By becoming aware of what ones body is experiencing one becomes more sensitive
to what other people are feeling.

Reflect the feelings back to the sender

Read non-verbal signs in the context. Sometimes body language is very clear and
unambiguous, but at other times it can be difficult to decipher. But mastering the art
and science of decoding the non-verbal signs can improve communication
dramatically and overcome many obstacles.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Effective Listening

Effective Listening

Behaviors that support effective listening

• Maintaining relaxed body posture
• Leaning slightly forward if sitting
• Facing person squarely at eye level
• Maintaining an open posture
• Maintaining appropriate distance
• Offering simple acknowledgements
• Reflecting meaning (paraphrase)
• Reflecting emotions
• Using eye contact
• Providing non-distracting environment

Behaviors that hinder effective listening

• Acting distracted
• Telling your own story without acknowledging theirs first
• No response
• Invalidating response, put downs
• Interrupting
• Criticizing
• Judging
• Diagnosing
• Giving advice/solutions
• Changing the subject
• Reassuring without acknowledgment

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Overcoming Roadblocks

Overcoming Roadblocks

1. Listening

Since people have two ears and only one mouth, listening might be the most important
communication skill. Unfortunately few people are good listeners. Listening is more
than merely hearing with our ears. Listening is a combination of what another person
says and involvement with the other person who is talking.
Active listening is a way of listening and responding to another person that improves
mutual understanding, overcoming communication roadblocks. There are five levels
of active listening:

Basic Acknowledgments: Basic acknowledgements include verbal, visual - nonverbal
signs and vocal sounds that let the speaker know how the audience is listening
with interest and respect, such as: head-nodding, leaning forward or backward, making
eye contacts, “uh-huh”, “oh really”, “no-kidding”, ‘tell me more”, “I hear you”, “so..”, “I
see”, “yes”.

Questions: The idea of asking questions may seem contradictory to the idea of listening.
But an active listener is asking questions in order to show the speaker his/ her
interest (a) in what is being said (b) in knowing more to gain a better understanding of
the speaker’s point of view. Open-ended questions are preferable to close-ended
questions, because they are providing opportunities for the speaker to open up, to
explore his/ her thoughts and feelings. It is also important to ask one question at a
time.

Paraphrasing: Paraphrasing focuses on the speaker’s content, and summarizing
what was said in order to clarify and confirm correct understanding. The steps of the
paraphrasing process are:
(a) Let the speaker finish what he/she wanted to say.
(b) Restate with your own words what you think the speaker has said
(c) If the speaker confirms your understanding continue the conversation
(d) If the speaker indicates you misunderstood ask the speaker to repeat. “I do not
understand. Could you say it again?”

Mirroring feelings
Mirroring involves reflecting back to the speaker the emotions s/he is communicating.
Do not miss the emotional dimension of a conversation, by focusing exclusively on the
content. Encourage the speaker to disclose feelings – may be joy, sorrow, frustration,
anger or grief. The reflection of feelings will help the speaker understand his/ her own
emotions and move toward a solution of the problem. In order to understand and mirror
feelings:
(a) Observe the feeling words the speaker uses.
(b) The speaker may not use feeling words at all because suppression of feelings
is so widespread in our culture. Then, focus on the content and ask yourself: If I
were having that experience, if I were saying and doing those things what would
I be feeling?
(c) Observe the body language, facial expressions, the tone of the voice, gestures
and posture.

Reflecting meanings
Once a person knows how to reflect feeling and content separately it is relatively easy
to put the two together into a reflection of meaning. It would be useful to use the formula:
“You feel (insert the feeling word) because (insert the event or other content
associated with the feeling)”

• Summative Reflections
A summative reflection is a brief restatement of the main themes and feelings the
speaker expressed over a longer period of discussions.
A good summarization may help the speaker have a greater coherence, a better
understanding of the situation and draw conclusions.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Reactions that block communication

Reactions that block communication

Often receivers have ways of responding that are considered by researchers as high–
risk responses that are likely to block communication, increase the emotional distance
between people and decrease the other person’s problem-solving efficiency.

These responses have been divided into three major categories:

• Criticizing
Many people feel that they ought to be critical or the other person will never improve.
They feel that it is their responsibility to make a negative evaluation of the other person’s
actions or attitudes.

• Name Calling
Labelling, putting down the other person, prevents people from getting to really know
the other

• Diagnosing
One person informs the other that he is being defensive, or he is acting out of guilt or
fear or some other unconscious motives. “I can read you like a book…..”
Communication is blocked.

Sending Solutions

• Ordering
An order is a solution sent coercively and backed by force. People become defensive
and resentful. Ordering might eventually lead to sabotage. Orders imply that the other’s
judgment is unsound and thus tend to undermine self-esteem.

• Threatening
A threat is a solution sent with an emphasis on punishment that will be forthcoming if
the solution is not implemented. Threats produce the same kind of negative feelings to
the results produced by orders ‘You will do it or else...”

• Moralizing
Many people like to back their solutions with the force of moral or theological authority.
“It’s the right thing to do” “You ought to tell him you are sorry” Moralizing fosters anxiety,
arouses resentment and blocks honest self-expression.

• Advising
The advice-giving trap is a constant temptation when someone talks to you about her
problems. What’s wrong with the advice? Often it is seen by the other as a basic insult
to his/ her intelligence. It implies a lack of confidence in the capacity of the other person
to cope with her problems. And the advisor seldom understands the full implications of
the problem. The advisor may be unaware of the complexities, feelings, and many
other factors that lie hidden beneath the surface.

Avoiding the other’s concerns

• Diverting
One of the most frequent ways of switching a conversation from the other person’s
concern to one’s own topic is called “diverting”.
Diverting appears when people lack the awareness and skills to listen effectively. At
other times diversion appears when people are uncomfortable with the emotions
stimulated by the conversation.

• Logical argument
When persons are under stress or when there is conflict between people, providing
logical solutions can be frustrating. Logic focuses on facts and typically avoids feelings.
However, feelings may be the main issues. Using logic, even if really needed, may be
a high-risk response-blocking communication.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS,

Communication Roadblocks - Receiver’s Behavior

• Hearing through own filters
i) People have many filters that distort what they hear.
ii) People have attention filters that keep them from being overwhelmed by the
increasing amount of sounds and information.
iii) People have emotional filters that block or distort their understanding.
iv) People have their expectations of others that distort their behavior

• Receivers are easily distracted
Many receivers are easily distracted and slip off dreaming while the sender is talking.
One of the reasons for poor listening is that people can think much faster than they can
talk. While people listen, they have a lot of spare time for thinking. The average rate for
speech is 125-150 words per minute. This rate is slow for the ear and the brain, which
can process about four times more and faster.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Roadblocks to Communication-Sender’s Behavior

Roadblocks to Communication-Sender’s Behavior

• Different meanings of the words

Often people are not able to choose the right word to say precisely what they mean.
The same word may have different meanings to different people

• Hiding Thoughts and Feelings

Just as military code messages for national security purposes, people may choose to
code their messages for personal security purposes; Or because they have been
trained from early childhood to express themselves indirectly on many topics and
feelings.

One of the basic reasons for miscommunication is that decoding is always guesswork.
One can easily observe a person’s behavior, hear words and see actions, but:
One can only imagine what the words and actions mean.

A person’s thoughts and feelings (emotions) are often concealed very carefully and
are not directly observable as behaviors are.

· The Sender may be blind to other’s emotions or blinded by them

Emotions help shape values. They are a fundamental part of one’s motivation and
help to determine one’s direction and purpose in life. Emotions provide one with needed
clues to solve problems.
It is important not be blind and to be able to recognize one’s feelings, to be aware of
one’s rich inner world of emotions. This skill may overcome many communication
failures.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS-Gender differences

Roadblocks to Communication-Gender differences

Allan and Barbara Pease describe, in their book “Why men don’t listen and women
can’t read maps”, in a very funny way a very serious fact: the differences between men
and women in the way they communicate. They demonstrate that the differences were
forged by the functions men and women had for ages in their effort to survive: men
were hunters, focused on their task; women were raising children focused on building
and keeping relationships. As a result of these different functions their minds also
specialized along those lines and researches demonstrate:

Men’s minds have less speaking centers than women’s
Mothers, daughters and sisters will often speak on behalf of the men from their family:
Try to ask a small five year old boy “How are you” and his mother or sister will immediately
answer on his behalf “Very well, thank you!”

A man speaks an average of 2000 to 4000 words/day, a third of the quantity spoken
by a woman. This difference becomes visible at the end of the day, when man and
woman eat together at home. He finished his words reserve; she still has a lot more.
Listen to them, does it sound familiar?

Men interrupt each other when speaking only as a sign of rivalry or
aggressiveness. “Do not interrupt me” shout men to women, all over the world in all
the languages.

Men’s statements always include solutions to the problems they are speaking about
so they feel they have to speak without being interrupted. For a woman this is strange,
because her main intention when speaking is to build relationships and less to solve
problems.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS,

Roadblocks to Communication- Stereotypes and Prejudices

Stereotyping is a natural function of the human mind, aimed to simplify the complex
reality and make our body and mind develop automatic responses to similar stimuli.
Stereo means “set image”. When applied to people, stereotyping refers to forming an
instant or fixed picture of a group of people, usually based on limited or incomplete
information. Stereotypes frequently result from or lead to prejudices, negative opinions
about others. Stereotypes and prejudices are sources of communication failures, and
more than that, of bad actions and ugly emotions.

Prejudices based on oversimplification of people into narrow, negative stereotypes can have tragic
consequences such as discrimination and violence.

Often, people are stereotyped around characteristics of:

- Age: all teenagers love rock and roll and do not respect elders
- Sex: men want just one thing from a woman
- Race: all Chinese people look alike
- Religion: all those belonging to Islam are terrorists
- Vocation: all lawyers are greedy
- Nationality: all Somalians are poverty-stricken
- Places: all people living in a certain city are lazy
- Things: all Swiss watches are perfect

Stereotypes have four main characteristics:
- They are simpler than the reality
- They are acquired from “cultural mediators” rather than own experience
- They are erroneous by their very nature
- They are resistant to change when absorbed in childhood, stubbornly colouring
our perceptions and behavior.

SHARMAS COMMUNICATION SKILLS,

Roadblocks to Communication-The Ways Minds Work

• Perceptions of the reality

Perceptions are the way we interpret and understand reality. Perceptions form one’s
reality through the following steps:

People collect information, But:
- They collect only a small amount – they cannot register all the data that their
senses can bring them
- They collect selectively – they see what they want to see, they look for data to
support their initial assumptions and neglect or donot notice contradictory
evidence
- They collect in a certain order
People arrange the information into categories, but:
Categorizing is dangerous, for with categories go a certain set of assumptions or
predictions: “Brown-skinned men are violent” “Old people are less ready to change”.
These are the stereotypes.
People form our reality, but:
Each of them may have their own reality, very different perceptions and very different
realities. These differences often cause misunderstandings and conflicts.